02 August 2007

Jell-O Legs and the World's Smartest Doctor

Wow, the last two days have been very hard runs. Yesterday's 3.5 miles may have been the toughest miles I've run in the last couple months. I guess Tuesday's trail run really zapped my legs good.

But I did get out and run and it did feel (mentally) good to have run. My legs are still very tired and it will be nice having a day off tomorrow.

During yesterday's particularly brutal run I began to question why I was actually running. And the only thing I could think of was a very insightful email I received a couple weeks ago from a friend at work.

I don't know where it originated from but it's pretty funny.

Here's the email:
(this is taken from one of those chain emails going around)


Patient: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

Doctor: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Patient: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

Doctor: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Patient: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

Doctor: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Patient: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

Doctor: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Patient: What are the advantages in participating in a regular exercise program?

Doctor: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Patient: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

Doctor: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Patient: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

Doctor: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Patient: Is chocolate bad for me?

Doctor: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!


Patient: Is swimming good for your figure?

Doctor: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Patient: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

Doctor: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!!


So why am I running??

Yesterday - 3.5 miles
Today - 3.5 miles (and the lawn)
Tomorrow - rest
After that - who knows.... :)



  1. Very, very, funny :-) Thanks for making me laugh multiple times. We run because we are addicted to endorphins! Well, at least some of us are!

  2. I'm with Wes!! It's either this or crack. Since I don't want my kids taken away from me, I'll stick with running :P

    I've been meaning to ask for awhile but forget . . is that you up top? Sweet banner!!

  3. Didn't I see that in a email from some quack doc that is a fat, drunk?? You almost had me. LOL!!

    I have been playing nurse for my youngest that had surgery today. WIll post following a 16 miler in the morning. Cross your fingers that I remain pain free!!

    Must finish my beer and get to bed :).... just kidding!

  4. actually, marcy, the guy at the top is simply a photo of the absolute sexiest guy i could find a photo of on the web. i think i succeeded.

  5. that's so funny. :) have a good rest day!

  6. wellImustbehavingabadnightcauseididntfinditfunnyatall :-X Sorry!

    I must try trail running..is it parks you run in? do you worry about bears and wild life?

    Yikes...maybe I wont try that park stuff!

  7. ROFLMAO OK I was just checkin!! ;-) He better be careful because you might give him a run for his money :P

  8. LMAO! The scariest part is that there is probably at least one doc out there that would give that kind of advice :X

  9. Hehehe, that emal was pretty amusing! I agree with Wes... addicted to endorphins.. that is why I am dying of withrawl as we "speak"!

  10. hahaha :D

    "If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."

    i shall use that one. i'm not sure when or where, but i shall...

    by the way, that's a good question. why am i running? i'm not all that sure.

  11. See I knew I wasn't fat...a 1:1 ratio is actually pretty good! :>()

  12. Haha what a great email!

    I second Wes on the endorphins and ROFLMAO in regards to Marcy's comments! :o)

  13. The crazy thing is I actually met a doctor that thought like that. Scary!

  14. That is SO funny! I've always maintained that beer is good for you. It's from the Earth; it's natural.

    I agree with the others: we run b/c it feels good (in a sadistic way). Think of last time you went a week without running and you gorged on fried food and drank a ton of alcohol. Felt like crap, right?

  15. Why do we run? Because the good days far out weigh the bad days. There ain't nothing wrong with a rest day, though. Enjoy